Create Holiday Intimacy

The holidays are a great time to connect with loved ones

Relationship Tip #10 – M.P. Wylie, Ph.D.

The holidays often generate internal stress and can produce a flooding of holiday memories. It’s a time to be especially understanding of each other’s experience in the moment, and be sensitive to the family history that gets stirred up.

Contemplate sharing childhood stories with your partner. Create a special time to do this, plan to set it up as a relaxing time; consider making it an early morning with a cappuccino, an afternoon with hot peppermint tea or an evening with eggnog in front of the fireplace.

Reflect on the holiday experiences from your childhood that may still hold high emotions such as:

• The first Christmas you can remember and what that was like
• What’s one gift you really wanted one year as a child and didn’t receive
• What’s one of the most disastrous holidays that you can remember from your youth (it may be the year your father died only days before Christmas)
• What really fond holiday traditions did you experience as a child and wish that you were still doing now

What are your childhood holiday memories?

As your partner shares their story, listen in a deep way so that you become your partner and live through their experience with them. Avoid any form of judging or trying to fix hurt feelings.

Then tell their story back to them as if you were them in the experience and in a way that your partner really feels understood. Trade places with your partner and tell one of your own holiday stories and ask your partner to do the same for you by responding with understanding.

Share the joy of the season!

As a couple, decide on one thing that would make this holiday season a little bit less stressful, easier, or more enjoyable. Make an agreement to do this for one another.

If you’re not married or in a significant relationship, find someone you’re close to or a family member and share this experience with them. Remember, having a great relationship is building relationship skills, even when you’re not in a relationship.

Classes

PAIRS Relationship Mastery (PAIRS) provides skills that have helped thousands create and sustain successful relationships. Classes use interactive exercises to teach relationship building tools.

Call (949) 752-2888 to find out more about our upcoming classes or visit our calendar/schedule page at http://usrelationships.org/RRFcalendar.aspx

What Others Have to Say

“This course forced me to go beyond my habits and understand my spouse at a depth I did not realize was so easy to attain in such a short period of time. The tools are simple, logical and would be effective in many relationships: family, friends, and co-workers. The steps are easy to follow and become second nature after some time.” - E.P. 

“My husband actually shared his feelings rather than saying, “I don’t know.” - Denise P.

“This gave us much needed tools and skills to provide structure for communication and understanding and resolution of conflicts. I have new hope for growth of our relationship, new joy and team work. Thanks for making it available.” - Tim L.

 Follow @RRF_OC

Do you still love me?

Let your loved one know why you’re happy to be together as a couple

Relationship Tip #9 – M.P. Wylie, Ph.D.

Has your partner recently asked, “Do you still love me?” Does he or she appear somewhat needy lately? Does there appear to be a quiet lull between the two of you and not many meaningful conversations? Is there a sense of underling stress between the two of you? This can happen even in the healthiest of relationships and yet we still need those wonderful reminders that we are loved.

When was the last time you wrote a love letter to your beloved? I’m referring to one where you sat down and really thought about “why” you love your partner. Not a Hallmark cards that kind of sort says how you feel, but a love letter from your heart that lets your loved one know why your happy to be together as a couple.

When was the last time you romanced your partner?

Write a love letter: “How I love thee, let me count the ways.” Include things like:

• I admire you because…
• I’m grateful of you because…
• I really appreciate you when…
• Our relationship means the world to me because…
• Some of the things I love most about you…
• Some of my hopes and dreams for our future are…

If you need help with this it’s okay to start with a greeting card, but be sure to add your own sentiment. Write what’s really true to you and things you know that your partner will appreciate and feel loved knowing and be reassured of your dedication to the relationship.

Classes

PAIRS Relationship Mastery (PAIRS) provides skills that have helped thousands create and sustain successful relationships. Classes use interactive exercises to teach relationship building tools.

Call Maria at (949) 752-2888 to find out more about our upcoming classes or visit our calendar/schedule page at http://usrelationships.org/RRFcalendar.aspx

What Others Have to Say

“This course forced me to go beyond my habits and understand my spouse at a depth I did not realize was so easy to attain in such a short period of time. The tools are simple, logical and would be effective in many relationships: family, friends, and co-workers. The steps are easy to follow and become second nature after some time.” - E.P. 

“My husband actually shared his feelings rather than saying, “I don’t know.” - Denise P.

“This gave us much needed tools and skills to provide structure for communication and understanding and resolution of conflicts. I have new hope for growth of our relationship, new joy and team work. Thanks for making it available.” - Tim L.

 Follow @RRF_OC

When it comes to relationships, does the grass look greener on the other side?

Show appreciation daily, not just on special occasions

“If the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, it’s because they take better care of it.”
- Cecil Selig

Relationship Tip #8 – M.P. Wylie, Ph.D.

 Show appreciation daily for this week and hopefully this will become a lifetime habit. Think of appreciations as a special gift you can give your partner everyday. Focus on the positive, even the little things count for something special.

If you’re not in a relationship or married, show this appreciation to your child, a friend, family member, or co-worker.

Suggested appreciations:

• “I appreciate you making coffee for me every morning; it really makes me feel cared for by you.”
• “I really like that outfit on you and how you really take good care of yourself.”
• “You work hard for our family and I really appreciate that about you.”
• “You really look hot tonight and it reminds me again why I fell in love with you.”
• “I appreciate you remembering to take out the trash without being reminded; it really lets me know we’re a team when it comes to household chores.”
• “Your one of the best cooks and this home cooked meal is on the top of my list of favorites.”
• “You’re so dedicated to our children and it reminds me again of how loving and caring you are to all of us.”
• “You worked really hard to get that raise (or good grades) and you deserve it.”
• “I’m really proud of you, because…”
• “I really love you, because…”
• “I feel really loved by you, because…”

If you’re not in a relationship, show appreciation to your child

Classes

Parenting Made Easier: Parenting and Building Intimacy in Your Relationship

Children have a way of changing everything. They can bring tremendous joy and tremendous stress all at the same time. As the family focus is shifted to the children, many parents find themselves feeling less connected as a couple. Come join us in rebuilding and strengthening your couple relationship so your family can thrive.

Parenting Made Easier Workshop:  Parenting and building intimacy in your relationship.

A program developed by expert, Dr. John Gottman on:

• Best parenting practices as a team
• Meeting your child’s emotional needs through “emotional coaching“
• How to stay emotionally connected with your partner
• Managing differences without long-term damage
• Understanding and supporting your child’s emotional world
• How to recover your equilibrium after a disagreement
• How to pass on your family values through rituals and family traditions
• Practicing essential skills for talking about things that aren’t working and rebuild the sex, passion, and romance in your relationship

Call Maria at (949) 752-2888 to find out more about our upcoming classes or visit our calendar/schedule page at http://usrelationships.org/RRFcalendar.aspx

What Others Have to Say

“Our communication will improve because of this workshop. I will be able to see and look for clear cues in my wife and child. It will help us start some good discussions to improve our relationship.”  -Steve J., Expectant Father

Follow @RRF_OC

Watch “Courageous,” A Family Movie That Inspires

RRF is pleased to announce Courageous, in theaters SEPTEMBER 30!

Find a theater near you and support a great movie for families.

 

 

Courageous in Theaters Friday, September 30^th!

Four men, one calling: To serve and protect. As law enforcement officers, they are confident and focused, standing up to the worst the streets have to offer. Yet at the end of the day, they face a challenge that none of them are truly prepared to tackle: fatherhood.

When tragedy strikes home, these men are left wrestling with their hopes, their fears, their faith, and their fathering. Can a newfound urgency help these dads draw closer to God … and to their children? Protecting the streets is second nature. Raising their children in a God-honoring way? That’s courageous.

» Learn more at CourageoustheMovie.com
» Watch the Trailer

 Today’s the Day to be Courageous!

If Casting Crowns, Third Day, or another one of your favorite bands were coming to town, you’d make seeing them a priority. You’d clear your calendar and get your tickets.

COURAGEOUS is coming to theaters September 30. It’s understandable to think, “I’ll catch it when I have time.” The reality is, however, how a movie does on its opening weekend determines how long it will play in theaters.

Just as you’d do for a concert, make time to see COURAGEOUS on the weekend of September 30-October 2. Gather a group of friends, purchase your tickets, mark your calendar, and then start counting the days until you see COURAGEOUS!

» Find a Theater
» Buy Your Tickets

Talking About Courageous

Check out what key leaders are saying after seeing COURAGEOUS:

“Best movie of the year!”
Pastor Rick Warren, Saddleback Church

“Be an All Pro Dad: see COURAGEOUS and make a lasting difference in the lives of your children.”
Tony Dungy, Super Bowl-winning Coach

“COURAGEOUS is so good. I think God has something far beyond good, solid family entertainment for this film. The guys in your life will love the movie.”
Beth Moore, Living Proof Ministries

© 2011 Sherwood Pictures Ministry, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
© 2011 Layout and Design, Provident Films, a unit of SONY MUSIC ENTERTAINMENT. All Rights Reserved.

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Celebrate Family Day – September 26th

Make family day a daily occurrence with your children (Martinez Family, Scene from "Courageous" Movie, in Theaters 9-30-11)

“To us, family means putting your arms around each other and being there”. - Barbara Bush

Family Day – Monday, September 26th

Maybe you’ve never heard of Family Day. The concept is simple. On Family Day, make sure you eat dinner with your children.

The research is clear, the more often your kids eat dinner with their families, the less likely they are to smoke, drink, or use drugs. When you eat dinner as a family, you are spending time with your kids talking to them about their friends and what is going on in their lives. You have an opportunity to look for red flags, and you have an opportunity to coach and mentor your children by answering their questions and setting a good example.

Family Day is a national movement launched by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse to help parents connect with their kids and prevent drug and alcohol abuse. And though the official date is September 26, the more often you eat dinner as a family, the better!

It’s not enough to just eat dinner together, don’t rush, enjoy each other’s company and keep conversations going even when you’re all finished eating. Turn off the TV. Leave your cell phones in the other room. Let the answering machine do its job.

Talk to your kids during dinner. Ask questions like:

• What was your favorite part of the day?
• What was your least favorite part of the day?
• Are you having any problems you need help with?
• And mention often how proud you are of them.

Of course, this might be uncomfortable at first, particularly if your kids have entered the private teenage years. When you and your spouse model healthy communication habits, your kids will—at a minimum—observe the two of you share ideas and brainstorm for solutions when obstacles present themselves.

So mark your calendars: September 26. Also, start the habit right away and keep it going. You’ll reap the benefits and most of all your children will thrive having your undivided attention.

Classes

Parenting Made Easier: Parenting and Building Intimacy in Your Relationship

Children have a way of changing everything. They can bring tremendous joy and tremendous stress all at the same time. As the family focus is shifted to the children, many parents find themselves feeling less connected as a couple. Come join us in rebuilding and strengthening your couple relationship so your family can thrive.

Parenting Made Easier Workshop:  Parenting and building intimacy in your relationship.

A program developed by expert, Dr. John Gottman on:

• Best parenting practices as a team
• Meeting your child’s emotional needs through “emotional coaching“
• How to stay emotionally connected with your partner
• Managing differences without long-term damage
• Understanding and supporting your child’s emotional world
• How to recover your equilibrium after a disagreement
• How to pass on your family values through rituals and family traditions
• Practicing essential skills for talking about things that aren’t working and rebuild the sex, passion, and romance in your relationship

Call Maria at (949) 752-2888 to find out more about our upcoming classes or visit our calendar/schedule page at http://usrelationships.org/RRFcalendar.aspx

What Others Have to Say

“Our communication will improve because of this workshop. I will be able to see and look for clear cues in my wife and child. It will help us start some good discussions to improve our relationship.”  -Steve J., Expectant Father

“I think we try to do a lot of these things, but it is always a struggle. This workshop provided a common language for us to use when conflicts come up. Having a toolkit & a reference guide will help a lot.”  -Lucy M., New Mother

Follow @RRF_OC

We need one another

Some level of neediness is vital to the growth of relationships

“No man is an island, entire of itself…any man’s death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.”  -John Donne

Relationship Tip #7 – M.P. Wylie, Ph.D.

Having needs and being needed is not only normal, it’s healthy. Part of being a couple is providing something that you can’t get on your own. Most healthy humans yearn for companionship. “No man (woman) is an island” – because most of the human condition is about interaction. Some level of neediness (Interdependence) is vital to the survival and growth of any relationship.

What are your needs in a relationship? What are your partner’s needs? Think of one thing you would like your partner to do for you this week and make a request to have that need met. What’s one thing your partner would like from you? If you don’t know, ask.

Now meet one another’s needs with willingness and a delight to give pleasure to your partner and to be pleasantly satisfied.

Suggested healthy needs to ask for and/or to give:

• Have a loving moment every evening, such as providing 10 minutes every night to hold one another.
• Have quality time to talk about your day and/or your relationship, such as coffee together every morning or a glass of wine together at night.
• Help with cooking, cleaning the house or caring for the children.
• Give encouragement and support while partner is working on a project or going back to school.
• Daily affirmations of qualities and appreciation.
• Receiving a thoughtful weekly gift, such as flowers and/or greeting card.

After doing this for a week; consider adopting it into your relationship on a regular basis.

Classes

PAIRS Relationship Mastery (PAIRS) provides skills that have helped thousands create and sustain successful relationships. Classes use interactive exercises to teach relationship building tools.

Call Maria at (949) 752-2888 to find out more about our upcoming classes or visit our calendar/schedule page at http://usrelationships.org/RRFcalendar.aspx

What Others Have to Say

“This course forced me to go beyond my habits and understand my spouse at a depth I did not realize was so easy to attain in such a short period of time. The tools are simple, logical and would be effective in many relationships: family, friends, and co-workers. The steps are easy to follow and become second nature after some time.” - E.P. 

 “This gave us much needed tools and skills to provide structure for communication and understanding and resolution of conflicts. I have new hope for growth of our relationship, new joy and team work. Thanks for making it available.” - Tim L.

Follow @RRF_OC

Protect your relationship from getting stale

Cut back one thing from your routine for an extra 30 minutes with your partner

 

“What I realize as I get older is that Michelle is less concerned about me giving her flowers than she is that I’m doing things that are hard for me — carving out time,” Obama said in an Ebony interview, “That to her is proof, evidence that I’m thinking about her. She appreciates the flowers, but to her romance is that I’m actually paying attention to things that she cares about, and time is always an important factor.”  -President Obama

 

Relationship Tip #6 – M.P. Wylie, Ph.D.

Finding time for your partner is a battle you must wage to protect your relationship.

How can you protect your relationship from getting stale? Have you ever paid attention to the amount of time you spend with your partner every day? Not just sitting in front of the television or reading the newspaper in the same room, but actually present to one another through touching, conversing, sharing an enjoyable activity, or having fun together.

Most people are aware that major addictions – such as gambling, drugs, alcohol, or pornography – suck the life out of a relationship. They steal away time, loyalty, and heart from those you love and almost always destroy a marriage.

But how about the everyday things that you have some form of addiction to? You may not realize how time consuming they are and how they’re depriving you of quality time with your partner. Things such as the Internet, television and work may be necessities in your day-to-day life, but do you recognize the time they take up in your day?

Has your partner ever commented on what’s more important in your life – them or the computer, television or work? Or even the time you spend doing volunteer work or on the phone with friends or taking care of your mother? These may be necessities in your life, but how necessary is the amount of time you’re spending on them? Is it depriving you of quality time with your partner?

This week pay attention and evaluate how much of your time is invested in the following:

• Television
• Internet/computer
• Work
• Volunteering
• Friends
• Extended family

Are you willing to cut back on one or two things so you can spend an extra 30 minutes with your partner every day? You might consider some of the following:

• Not turning the computer on in the morning until the two of you have shared a cup of coffee together or gone on a morning walk.
• Deciding to leave work or your home office at a set time to enjoy dinner together and/or an evening walk.
• Setting a certain time to turn the computer off every night to spend the evening with your partner.
• Making a firm decision to not take phone calls at a certain time every evening and/or set a cut off limit when you’ll no longer take calls, such as 8 p.m., so you can be dedicated to quality time with your partner. It may mean turning the ringer off or letting the call go into voicemail. (It’s always good to have caller ID, so you’re not missing an emergency call from one of your children.)
• Giving up the late night news to go to bed together every night before getting too tired to make love.

Remember, it may be a battle to protect your relationship, but it’s worth it.

Turn off electronics and spend time connecting with your partner

Classes

PAIRS Relationship Mastery (PAIRS) provides skills that have helped thousands create and sustain successful relationships. Classes use interactive exercises to teach relationship building tools.

Call Maria at (949) 752-2888 to find out more about our upcoming classes or visit our calendar/schedule page at http://usrelationships.org/RRFcalendar.aspx

What Others Have to Say

“This course forced me to go beyond my habits and understand my spouse at a depth I did not realize was so easy to attain in such a short period of time. The tools are simple, logical and would be effective in many relationships: family, friends, and co-workers. The steps are easy to follow and become second nature after some time.” - E.P. 

“This gave us much needed tools and skills to provide structure for communication and understanding and resolution of conflicts. I have new hope for growth of our relationship, new joy and team work. Thanks for making it available.” - Tim L.

Follow @RRF_OC

Focus on Non-Material Riches

“It stands to reason that you worry less and less about the future as you appreciate life to its fullest NOW!” -Susan Jeffers

Relationship Tip #5 – M.P. Wylie, Ph.D.

Almost everyone in some way is affected by the economy today and this also impacts the stress within our personal relationships. We take so many wonderful things for granted. So this week focus on the positive within your daily life and your relationships – notice the little things…

Focus on the positive things in your daily life

A kiss from a loved one

Ÿ A loving touch

Ÿ A thoughtful gesture

Ÿ A hug

Ÿ A smile

Ÿ Eye contact

Ÿ Kind words

Ÿ Words of understanding

The pleasure of taking a hot shower or bath

Eating a delicious morsel and how it tastes in your mouth

Ÿ         The beautiful sunset

Ÿ         The smell of a flower and fresh cut grass

Ÿ         The sound of beautiful music

Ÿ         The birds chirping

Why is this so important? It is so important because when we focus on the riches around us, our problems seem easier to handle. In noticing the little things, we become more focused on the good in our life and our relationship. Our noticing is enhanced by acknowledging all the little gifts that come into our daily life and actually attracts more good. As Susan Jeffers states, “It stand to reason that you worry less and less about the future as you appreciate life to its fullest NOW!

Classes

Parenting Made Easier: Parenting and Building Intimacy in Your Relationship

Children have a way of changing everything. They can bring tremendous joy and tremendous stress all at the same time. As the family focus is shifted to the children, many parents find themselves feeling less connected as a couple. Come join us in rebuilding and strengthening your couple relationship so your family can thrive.

Parenting Made Easier Workshop:  Parenting and building intimacy in your relationship.

A program developed by expert, Dr. John Gottman on:

• Best parenting practices as a team
• Meeting your child’s emotional needs through “emotional coaching“
• How to stay emotionally connected with your partner
• Managing differences without long-term damage
• Understanding and supporting your child’s emotional world
• How to recover your equilibrium after a disagreement
• How to pass on your family values through rituals and family traditions
• Practicing essential skills for talking about things that aren’t working and rebuild the sex, passion, and romance in your relationship

Strengthen your couple relationship to help your family thrive

What Others Have to Say

“Our communication will improve because of this workshop. I will be able to see and look for clear cues in my wife and child. It will help us start some good discussions to improve our relationship.”  -Steve J., Expectant Father

“I think we try to do a lot of these things, but it is always a struggle. This workshop provided a common language for us to use when conflicts come up. Having a toolkit & a reference guide will help a lot.”  -Lucy M., New Mother

Call Maria at (949) 752-2888 to find out more about our upcoming classes or visit our calendar/schedule page at http://usrelationships.org/RRFcalendar.aspx

Follow @RRF_OC

Parenting Made Easier

Learn Parenting Skills and Build Intimacy

“I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.”  -Roy Croft

Relationship Tip #4 – M.P. Wylie, Ph.D.

Make a date… Even if you’re doing weekly date nights, create a plan to make a special date this week or a get-away weekend in the coming month. Having fun and quality time together just the two of you helps keep love alive in a relationship.

Take the extra step of planning ahead of time:

• Ask your partner for a date
• Make reservations
• Arrange a babysitter if you need one
• Dress for the occasion
• Remind your partner of the upcoming date by letting them know you’re looking forward to this special time together.

If you’re not in a relationship set up something special with a family member or close friend. Get in the habit of going out and doing fun things.

Suggested Dates:

• Dinner out at one of your mutually favorite restaurants
• Include dancing to make it extra special
• Hike in the woods, bike ride, rent a canoe or walk on the beach (include a picnic)
• A special candlelight dinner at home using your best china
• A sunrise date on the beach with your favorite Starbucks coffee
• Sunday Brunch
• Lunch date during the week
• Tour an art gallery or museum
• Night at the opera, concert or play
• Afternoon tea at a 5 star resort
• Miniature golf
• Night under the stars in your own backyard (be creative)
• Festival, carnival or amusement park
• Ballpark with hot-dogs and beer

Getaway Weekend:

• Tour a winery
• Spa treatments
• Golf resort
• Drive along the beach
• Bed & Breakfast weekend
• Drive in the country
• Explore a new city and take a tour
• Ski weekend in the winter
• Weekend cruise
• Second honeymoon (or 3^rd, 4^th, 5^th…)
• Last minute just hop in the car and go

Classes

Parenting Made Easier: Parenting and Building Intimacy in Your Relationship

Children have a way of changing everything. They can bring tremendous joy and tremendous stress all at the same time. As the family focus is shifted to the children, many parents find themselves feeling less connected as a couple. Come join us in rebuilding and strengthening your couple relationship so your family can thrive.

Parenting Made Easier Workshop:  Parenting and building intimacy in your relationship.

A program developed by expert, Dr. John Gottman on:

• Best parenting practices as a team
• Meeting your child’s emotional needs through “emotional coaching“
• How to stay emotionally connected with your partner
• Managing differences without long-term damage
• Understanding and supporting your child’s emotional world
• How to recover your equilibrium after a disagreement
• How to pass on your family values through rituals and family traditions
• Practicing essential skills for talking about things that aren’t working and rebuild the sex, passion, and romance in your relationship

What Others Have to Say

“Our communication will improve because of this workshop. I will be able to see and look for clear cues in my wife and child. It will help us start some good discussions to improve our relationship.”  -Steve J., Expectant Father

“I think we try to do a lot of these things, but it is always a struggle. This workshop provided a common language for us to use when conflicts come up. Having a toolkit & a reference guide will help a lot.”  -Lucy M., New Mother

Call Maria at (949) 752-2888 to find out more about our upcoming classes or visit our calendar/schedule page at http://usrelationships.org/RRFcalendar.asp

Couples Frequently Asked Questions

Latest Research Findings

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Happiness is Contagious!

When you’re happy your partner is happy

“No one is in control of your happiness but you; therefore, you have the power to change anything about yourself or your life that you want to change.” – Barbara De Angelis

Relationship Tip #3 – M.P. Wylie, Ph.D.

Make yourself happy… When you’re happy your partner is happy. Happiness is contagious. This week take a step towards your own happiness. If it be improving your health, mind, body or soul. When you make yourself a better person, you make your relationship better.

Suggestions for improving your happiness:

• Ÿ         Start an exercise program and/or sign up at a fitness center.
• Ÿ         Take a class at a community college or sign up for a relationship class.
• Ÿ         Set aside time everyday to do something you enjoy (reading,    painting, meditating, a walk in the park, writing, a cup of coffee on the patio)
• Ÿ         Create your own quality quiet time daily where you get uninterrupted time just for you to relax and reflect.
• Ÿ         Set a monthly golf or tennis game with your buddies.
• Ÿ         How about weekly lunch with your best friend.
• Ÿ         Clean out the closet or garage and be done with it once and for all.
• Ÿ         When was the last time you walked on the beach, around the lake, in the woods?

Classes

Summit of Your Potential (SYP) & Journey to Love (J2L)
Release the past and build the relationship and professional life of your dreams. Whether divorced, widowed, ending a relationship, or exploring a relationship… success rests on making wise choices. Define what you really want in life, a partner, and a relationship. Write your own story—past, present and future—through a journal type workbook and supportive group setting.

Call Maria at (949) 752-2888 to find out more about our upcoming classes or visit our calendar/schedule page at http://usrelationships.org/RRFcalendar.aspx

Follow @RRF_OC